Waytogoministry7's Blog

The News!

waytogoministry7 — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 01:48:44 +0000

Things are better. I am doing well. I have finished one book, and I’m working on a Power Point presentation for it. I have also started another book. Dad seems to be doing well, although he keeps his feelings close to his chest. He is doing really well in light of turning 96 in February. I miss mom, and sometimes think of calling her and realize immediately that I can’t. I also miss Lucas and he is still living, but since he turned twelve, he’s harder to relate to, but this too shall pass eventually. I am concerned about this country, the prices of gas and food, and the overall state of the USA. I will continue to pray.

School Daze!

waytogoministry7 — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:03:47 +0000

Recently, through our online high school reunion site, a spontaneous plan for a mini-reunion began to take form and before long was in full motion. It was to be held outdoors less than 15 miles from my home. I wanted to go but I was indecisive about it, and didn’t understand why. I finally acknowledged that I didn’t like the prospect of having myself mirrored through the faces of others at the age of 66. It seems that in high school, without realizing it, this happened pretty consistently, but with hormones ruling the campus we were somewhat oblivious to it. I finally made the decision to attend and face the camera and I’m glad I did. It was a beautiful day, great food, and full of nostalgia, visiting with acquaintances from years gone by. I saw people who had changed completely over the years both physically and emotionally; and others who seemed to have not changed at all. I saw people that I had remembered as just acquaintances in school, but now they seemed more like friends. Regretfully, there were some who were gone before I could even speak to them. This gathering inspired me to write.

High school was a once-in-a-lifetime experience to prepare for the academic, professional, and emotional growth of future lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians, artists, musicians, writers, husbands, wives, and parents. It was only the doorway to what we would be striving for well into the future – even now. Ultimately, it is important for each of us to have reached our goals in life to fulfill the purpose for which we were placed here on earth. This is an individual and often private endeavor between a person and their Creator. Regardless of the direction each of our lives may have taken, it is never too late to aspire to find a purpose for being alive. Whatever that may be for each of my high school classmates, or if we are still unsure of what it is; my prayer is that we will continue to try to find our individual purpose and will pursue it with gusto and enthusiasm. Proverbs 29:18 says that “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” I don’t think this only applies to youth but to all of the journey here on earth. I believe it is the only thing that will bring true peace to a person. No matter what is happening in our lives, prosperity, illness, discouragement, or success, whether we are true friends, or just acquaintances; I hope that we will continue to encourage, motivate, and lift each other up – higher than ourselves, in spite of our present circumstances, so that we can make a difference in the lives of others. Whoever decided that high school reunions were necessary or important must have done so with a sense of humor, but also with much wisdom. After attending several of these, I have realized that reunions are a time to reflect; on how far we have come, what we have become, and the remaining time we have left. High school was made up of a collection of young people with insecurities, egotism, and need for approval. Many of them would grow into adults who were secure, modest and self-accepting. Some, however, would still need recognition and reassurance. We are, after all, just humans on our individual journeys through an unpredictable life. I am sure that there is importance and relevance to going to a high school reunion, especially one that is near to the 50 year mark. It provides many of us the opportunity to view ourselves and others through different, older and wiser eyes, and for some of us, that is very important. Thanks for the memories, everyone and I am thankful for the new ones that are still to come.

My Confession

waytogoministry7 — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 16:37:51 +0000

Money is a powerful entity. Even when we have a heart for God, money can come along unexpectedly and creep into the mix. I have always had just enough money to take care of business and at times, to have things or do things above and beyond. I know in my spirit that money is simply a means to an end while here on this planet; but my flesh so quickly forgets this when I get a windfall. I had such a windfall one year. My dad decided to give each of his children a lump sum and it was totally unexpected. I remember the excited feeling inside of me at the time, but I also remember wanting to reject the feeling at the same time. I knew that there was no way that a large sum of money should have had such an effect on me – to make me excited – but I finally had to admit that I am human. We live in a world where money provides many comforts and resolves many issues. I was like a little girl at Christmas who had finally received everything she asked for and more. Now I must make my confession. I know what I did with a good portion of that money – but not all of it. I squandered some of it. I know that it seemed like a lot of money at the time – more money than I had every had all at once – but it was not a lot of money – at least not if one is not a good steward of it and I wasn’t. I saw a generous side of myself but I also saw a selfish side. If someone had asked me how I would have handled such a situation – I probably would have answered ideally – but I am still not sure that I could have followed through with the plan. I am so regretful for not handling this precious gift in the right manner. I should have prayed over every expenditure – but I did not. The money is now gone, needless to say. I am ashamed that I was blinded by the gift rather than truly appreciative. I’m not regretful because I no longer have the money. I’m regretful because I was like one of the ten foolish virgins – I didn’t prepare and didn’t look to the future. God knows my heart. I confess to him that I handled the situation incorrectly and I now reap what I sowed. My prayer is that if ever I am bestowed such a gift again, I will pray about every decision pertaining to the gift and act accordingly.

Am I just getting too old?

waytogoministry7 — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 18:22:51 +0000

My oldest son is living with me right now. It has been years since we lived together and it is obvious that we have both changed considerably. I don’t like it that I see so many things in me that are different. For one thing, living out in the country has slowed my pace down and then being several years older has contributed to the situation also. It seems as if I am allowing more and more things to get on my nerves that I used to tolerate – or did I? Maybe I would just like to think that I did but I have always been the way I am, and as with most older people, it is just accentuated. I do not like being older. I try to keep my mind alert and active so that I won’t get mentally old or “stuck in my ways” – the very thing I don’t tolerate well in my 73 year old husband – but I guess it’s all relative. BUT – I cannot take all the credit for the issues with the communication problems between me and my son. He has his own “set in his way” mindset although if asked, I am sure he wouldn’t own. He is 44 and by then all of us are beginning to have comfort zones in which we like to ride. I want to handle all the changes that come through my life in the Spirit – but that doesn’t always happen. I am trying and God knows this.

Changes….ch…ch…ch…changes

waytogoministry7 — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:50:42 +0000

Well, another week has gone by and things just keep on changing. Now, my job as a prn home health nurse has temporarily run out. The census is down, and the current patients have to be seen by the full-time nurses understandably so. However, that leaves me without that little bit of extra income that made my life easier. The timing isn’t too bad because Lucas will be going home for back-to-school in about a week so I can cut back on spending more easily. Meanwhile, I wish I could find a stay-at-home job where I could be an editor or something enjoyable like that. I have applied but will be really surprised to hear back from them. Gas is so high that I feel slightly relieved since I wasn’t making that much money when the final tally came in from the home health business. I would do better to drive 45 miles to Beaumont and work one day a week, and then drive 45 miles back. Mom is still about the same. The good news is that she is no longer trying to get out of bed on her own – the bad news is that she is no longer trying to get out of bed on her own. Now, my sister-in-law’s dad is just across the hall from her, and he’s trying to get out of bed on his own which means that someone has to be with him all the time. It was just about two months ago when mom was trying this so I guess he is following closely behind her. They are both 90 years old although mom will soon be 91. I am firmly convinced that the reason people live longer than seems convenient for their own good – is for the benefit of all the remaining people that surround them. What do we have to learn from their delayed exit? Let me think…..oh yeah! Compassion, patience, endurance, that we can go without sleep longer than we thought, and we can’t overlook that all important skill of “multitasking.” I use sarcasm but it is meant more to keep things light. I know that God has reasons for allowing people to linger down here when they are ready to leave. I will leave that up to him because he’s God and I’m not.

“Touched By” – only God knows what!

waytogoministry7 — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 01:09:34 +0000

Well, I considered not writing this but since it continues to stay with me, perhaps it will go away after this. Mother was at Touched By an Angel for about two months. During that time there was never true peace for any of our family. I wish I could say exactly why that is true but I cannot. The staff really were nice, friendly, and seemed to love our mother. The manager seemed to care also but there seemed to be a spirit of confusion whenever she was around – especially in the area of communication. I believe that she cares about the patients she houses, but I am not sure that she understands that part of caring for the patient includes caring for their family. I truly hope that she learns this before she ends up with real problems. I attempted to tell her what was missing in her establishment but rather than see it as constructive criticism, she seemed to think that I was slandering her – which, of course, I was not. I have decided to leave all of it to God, because I can’t control what people think of me, only how I react to them. My reaction to her is to pray for her. Now, maybe I can let it go.

Only God knows

waytogoministry7 — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 23:50:36 +0000

Mom has been hospitalized because of a seizure of unknown origin. Personally, it would seem that it was because she had an elevated temperature and was taken into a hot shower, and then walked into an air conditioned room. Did that cause the seizure? Who knows? In any case, her pulse continued to be higher than it should be so we called 911 later and she was admitted to the hospital. First of all, they found that her bilirubin was elevated, her potassium was low, and she had an elevated white blood cell count which could have reflected her urinary tract infection. On the second day of the hospitalization, and almost one week since the new metalic stent was placed in her bile duct; she began to be jaundice again. We have no idea why but the logical thing is to assume that her condition is getting worse. I hate this for mom because I know she is scared but I don’t know what I can do to help her not be afraid. We come into this world alone and we have to depart alone which seems to be a consistent thing. It is hard to understand but it is consistent. Not only is she jaundice, but she also has had continuous bouts of diarrhea, whether this is from all of the medications they are giving her at the hospital – which includes an anti-epileptic med; a strong antibiotic; and potassium; or whether it is from the fact that she is now making a change and progressing into the “cancer” problem at a more rapid pace – is only in God’s knowledge. The doctor is trying to figure it out – but they don’t really know what they are looking for and the tendency is to just write it all off as that cancer is progressing. I can’t want to be present when she dies. Yet, I don’t want her to be afraid. I don’t really know the answer. It isn’t like I can leave Lucas with Wayne 24-7 and just wait every day to see if death will occur. We are giving her a sitter at night so that she won’t be alone. I am just rationalizing and rationalizing so that I will be able to live with myself after the fact. I only hope God will have mercy on my mother.

The Era of the Old People

waytogoministry7 — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 15:22:34 +0000

I thought I would choose this title because it seems as if everyone in my family is suffering from one age-related problem or another. Some have arthritis, some have memory problems, and some just have unusual diagnoses that makes no sense. In our immediate family which includes parents, children and spouses, the ages range from 54 to 95. Those of us who have made it through our lives with no health problems are now experiencing them. I guess if you live long enough something will get you – or at least that is how it feels. The 54 year old (the youngest) has already had a back injury and is disabled at this point. His wife has been diagnosed with two types of thyroid problems. The other two siblings – me (66) and the oldest (who will be 70 soon) are running as fast as we can to not get hit by the dart from the spirit of infirmity that is attacking our family. My husband has already had one hernia surgery, and now has another hernia on the other side. Oh yes, I failed to mention that our 95 year old father is running right behind my brother and myself. He would be beside us but we’re still able to run a little faster than him – not much – but a little. My mother still has the tumor in her bile duct which is only operating properly due to the stint that was placed in it. Next week, the permanent stint will be put in to replace the temporary one. We are all hoping that it will not cause her to regress because she has been doing so well with physical therapy – almost too well – since she doesn’t realize the danger of getting up to walk without using a walker. The dementia is better some days and worse on others. It is very unpredictable. We still don’t know conclusively what is causing the dementia; mostly we are guessing. It just seems like a waste of time and money to find out because it won’t change anything, I don’t think. However, I think of the patients I have read about that were diagnosed with hydrocephalus due to over-abundance of cerebral spinal fluid and the dementia was relieved after a shunt was placed in the brain. I wonder if this is what is wrong with mom but then I think of how difficult the procedure would be on her and decide not to go forward. Then, I wonder if I should take her to a neurologist to have a diagnosis given to her but I have read that with dementia, it is difficult for them to diagnose. They ask questions and pretty much call it something based on the answers or lack thereof. Alzheimer’s can’t be definitively diagnosed until after death. We can go into space but we don’t understand the human brain. Amazing!!! So, I guess our otherwise healthy and energetic family has begun to reach the point where we are each one going to have to deal with some type of physical ailment – either because we have lived too long and our organs are old or because we haven’t taken good care of our bodies. There is also always the other possibility – eventually something happens to everyone. I see no recourse except to keep on praying and striving to live in God’s perfect will – while I seem to fail on a daily basis…..me and many others.

The 4th of July

waytogoministry7 — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 02:34:26 +0000

Today is Sunday and it’s the 4th of July which is rather unusual. Lucas and his friend shot off fireworks by the pond while I sat and watched. I am concerned about Lucas lately. He has been having more “tics” than usual, although this seems to happen every summer after he gets off some of the medication. Is it the medication? That is my question, or would he have the “tics” anyway? It’s so frustrating to not be able to afford to take him for the right kind of tests to try to get to a reason why he has these “tics.” The newest one is rolling his eyes back into his head – an expression that might be considered typical for a kid who doesn’t like what he’s being told; however, that’s not why he’s doing it. It guess it’s a good thing that he’s not in school right now or he would probably be sent to the office regularly by teachers who do not understand. I will continue to pray for him but I mostly just wish that his mom and dad would take the initiative to get help for him – but neither of them try that hard. The sad thing is that in their own way, they each believe they are trying to help him. Ugh!

God’s perfect will!

waytogoministry7 — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 00:42:29 +0000

I took Dad to see Mom today. Over the period of one hour, Dad visited with her, my brother Milton visited with her, and I visited with her. She attempted to manipulate each one of us to take her home. While it was amazing that she could manage this with the dementia controlling part of her thinking, it was also poignant. I want so badly to just move her out of there, especially since she seems to be improving cognitively every day; however, it remains to be seen if it will last. I do believe that the Vicodin messed her metabolism up for several days and she is now coming back to her normal state. But, she still has a problem with the inability to stand up and get on the bed-side commode, and then back into the bed or chair. If she were here with me, I could help her with this during the day, but I can’t trust that she wouldn’t try to do it on her own during the night – which means I would either have to sleep with her or at minimum in the same room with her. This is the wall that I always arrive at when contemplating having her live with me. My prayer is this: Lord, if it is your perfect will for Mom to move in with me, then make it possible. Give her the ability to move about on her own once again. Until that happens, help me to be patient and accept what I cannot change. Amen